29 Short Messages Of Hope For Anyone In Recovery, Or Fighting An Addiction

man in lights looking at store sign, somber man, addiction quotes, overcoming addiction, addiction recovery
Chester Wade

Sometimes I don’t have the right words. Sometimes when I try to talk to someone I love about something so heavy, so important, I feel at a loss. How can I convey my love? How can I show that person his or her strength? How can I urge them to fight, to continue, to live?

How can I show someone I care for that they matter, and that each day they survive, each day that choose not to use/drink/etc. they are winning?

Sometimes when I’m at a loss, I turn to the words of others. Here are little tidbits of hope. Whether you are a family member or friend of an addict, or perhaps struggling/fighting/in recovery yourself, my wish is that you hear these words. That you write them on your heart. That you remember each day, each hour, each minute, you are getting stronger. And that you can, and will, overcome.

1.

“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, you just have to take the first step.”
— Martin Luther King Jr.

2.

“I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward.”
— Charlotte Brontë

3.

“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”
— Chinese Proverb

4.

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”
— Harriet Beecher Stowe

5.

“It’s not about the man that has the most, it’s about the man that needs the least.”
— Proverb

6.

“Sometimes you can only find Heaven by slowly backing away from Hell.”
— Carrie Fisher

7.

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.”
— Theodore Roosevelt

8.

I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.”
— Jimmy Dean

9.

“Don’t live life like a chameleon. Be you.”
— Unknown

10.

“Resistance is the first step to change.”
— Louise Hay

11.

“The fact that you exist is a highly statistically improbable event, and if you are not perpetually surprised by the fact that you exist you don’t deserve to be here.”
10% Happier, Dan Harris

12.

“Some things pass, and some things pass like a kidney stone.”
— Unknown

13.

“It’s no good to be unhappy about the things you can’t change, but also no good to be unhappy about the things you can.”
— Unknown

14.

“You might not be able to change the world, but you can change your corner of it.”
— Unknown

15.

“The greatest gifts you’ll ever open are your eyes.”
— Unknown

16.

“Those who are caught up in their thoughts only have their thoughts to think about.”
— Unknown

17.

“Nothing is impossible; the word itself says, ‘I’m possible!’”
— Audrey Hepburn

18.

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.”
— Zig Ziglar

19.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

20.

“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.”
— Robert Collier

21.

“Stop and feel the roses.”
— Unknown

22.

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.”
— Henry Ford

23.

“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.”
— Zen Proverb

24.

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”
— Carl Bard

25.

“I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.’”
— Muhammad Ali

26.

“If you don’t like being a doormat, get off the floor.”
— Al Anon

27.

“If things go wrong, don’t go with them.”
— Roger Babson

28.

“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

29.

“Rock bottom can be the foundation on which you rebuild your life.”
— J.K. RowlingTC mark

11 Daily Habits of Couples in Healthy Relationships

They Netflix and chill together

coupleThere are many little ways to boost your marriage—and chief among them is simple companionship. Even if you’re couch surfing, do it together. Spending time with one another is one of the highlights of a healthy relationship. If he’s reading a book, grab one and cuddle up next to him. Bring him a drink while he’s mowing the lawn. Does washing the car bore you to tears? Then simply stand nearby and chat while he suds it up. “In the beginning, couples go out of their way to impress each other and create new ‘first memories’ together,” says Julie Spira, an online dating expert, CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. “After a while, just being together rises to the top of the relationship totem pole.” And there’s nothing wrong with a good binge-watch. One study found a direct link between media consumption while together and relationship satisfaction.

Family Support Important When Living with Chronic Illness

Family Support Important When Living with Chronic Illness

New research finds that a family approach helps a loved one learn to live with their chronic illness in the most productive manner possible.

Penn State researchers discovered family intervention approaches such as working together to make dietary changes can be an effective strategy for improving chronic illness management.

“For some family groups, setting goals together for making lifestyle changes such as healthier eating habits and regular exercise, helps patients to stay on track and may benefit family members as well,” said Dr. Lynn Martire, a professor of human development and family studies.

Martire said this approach could have positive implications on health care costs as well as the treatment of patients.

“The vast majority of health care spending is for treatment of chronic health problems in children and adults. Self-management of chronic illness can reduce these health care costs, and close family members such as a parent or the spouse play an important role in helping patients to manage their illness,” Martire said.

“Therefore, psychological or behavioral treatments that target the patient-family member dyad may decrease health care costs or have more long-lasting effects than treatments that target only the patient.”

The paper, co-authored by Martire and Dr. Vicki Helgeson, a professor of psychology at Carnegie Mellon University, appears in the journal Current Directions in Psychological Science.

According to the authors, patients and family members can work together to monitor patients’ illness symptoms, keep medical appointments, and help the patient stick to medication regimens as a strategy for chronic illness management.

“A key feature of these programs is improving communication around health issues and identifying obstacles to good self-management,” Martire said.

Emerging use of technology to maintain behavior change may also be a promising approach, Martire said. Some treatment programs require frequent travel on the part of patients and families, which limits their accessibility. Technology-supported approaches such as web- or mobile phone-based telehealth programs could reach a broader population of patients and family members.

Increasing internet usage across broad segments of the U.S. population offers an especially appealing method for delivering programs to large numbers of patients and families at low cost. Moreover, web-based interventions for health and illness management could be modified for dyads, she said.

 

Source: Penn State University

An Open Letter to the Doctors Who Cared for My Wife During Her Last Days

As I begin to tell my friends and family about the seven days you treated my wife, Laura Levis, in what turned out to be the last days of her young life, they stop me at about the 15th name that I recall. The list includes the doctors, nurses, respiratory specialists, social workers, and even cleaning staff members who cared for her. (Here are some secrets about nurses you should know.)

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“How do you remember any of their names?” they ask.

“How could I not?” I respond.

Every single one of you treated Laura with such professionalism and kindness and dignity as she lay unconscious. When she needed shots, you apologized that it was going to hurt a little, whether or not she could hear. When you listened to her heart and lungs through your stethoscopes and her gown began to slip, you pulled it up to respectfully cover her. You spread a blanket not only when her body temperature needed regulating but also when the room was just a little cold and you thought she’d sleep more comfortably that way.

You cared so greatly for her parents, helping them climb into the room’s awkward recliner, fetching them fresh water almost 
by the hour, and 
answering every one 
of their medical questions with incredible patience. My father-in-law, a doctor himself, as you learned, felt he was involved in her care. I can’t tell you how important that was to him.

Then there was how you treated me. How would I have found the strength to make it through that week without you?

How many times did you walk into the room to find me sobbing, my head down and resting on her hand, and quietly go about your task, as if willing yourselves invisible? How many times did you help me set up the recliner as close as possible to her bedside, crawling into the mess of wires and tubes in order to swing her forward just a few feet?

How many times did you check
 on me to see whether I needed 
anything, from food to drink, from fresh clothes to a hot shower, or to see whether I needed a better explanation of a medical procedure or just someone to talk to?

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How many times did you hug 
me and console me when I fell to pieces, or ask about Laura’s life and the person she was, taking the time to look at her photos or read the things I’d written about her? How many times did you deliver bad news with compassionate words and 
sadness in your eyes?

When I needed to 
use a computer for an emergency e-mail, you made it happen. When I smuggled in a very special visitor, our tuxedo cat, Cola, for one final lick of Laura’s face, you “didn’t see a thing.”

And one special evening, you 
gave me full control to usher into the ICU more than 50 people in Laura’s life, from friends to coworkers to college alums to family members. It was an outpouring of love that included guitar playing and opera singing and dancing and new revelations to me about just how deeply my wife touched people. It was the last great night of our marriage together, for both of us, and it wouldn’t have 
happened without your support.

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There is another moment—­actually, a single hour—that I will never forget.

On the final day, as we waited for Laura’s organ-donor surgery, all I wanted was to be alone with her. 
But family and friends kept coming to say their goodbyes, and the clock ticked away. By about 4 p.m., finally, every­one had gone, and I was emotionally and physically exhausted, 
in need of a nap. So I asked her nurses, Donna and Jen, if they could help me set up the recliner, which 
was so uncomfortable but all I had, next to Laura again. They had a better idea.

They asked me to leave the room for a moment, and when I returned, they had shifted Laura to the right side of her bed, leaving just enough room for me to crawl in with her one last time. I asked if they could give us one hour without a single interruption, and they nodded, closing the curtains and the doors and shutting off the lights.

AOL-LWL_US171199I nestled my body against hers. She looked so beautiful, and I told her 
so, stroking her hair and face. Pulling her gown down slightly, I kissed 
her breasts and laid my head on her chest, feeling it rise and fall with each breath, her heartbeat in my ear. It was our last tender moment as a husband and a wife, and it was more natural and pure and comforting than anything I’d ever felt. And then I fell asleep.

I will remember that last hour together for the rest of my life. It was a gift beyond gifts, and I have Donna and Jen to thank for it.

Really, I have all of you to thank for it.

With my eternal 
gratitude and love,
Peter DeMarco

Laura Levis was a patient in the intensive care unit at CHA Cambridge Hospital in Cambridge, Massachusetts. She was 34 years old.

How Do Female Friendships Affect Marriage?

How Does Female Friendships Affect Marriage

Many women connect emotionally to their best friend and remain best friends throughout life.  But, what happens when they get married to other people? Many women find that their relationship with their bestie starts to fade away because of marital commitments. But others find that their relationship with their bestie improves as they enter into a new phase of their life. This happens because they need an emotional release and they get that by confiding in their girlfriend.

Marriage.com interviewed five random women on the subject of women, friendships, and marriages. Here’s what they had to say.

Friends for life

Marie, 42 years old, on a second marriage, “I have been friends with Donna all my life.  She has seen me through being a widow and now a second marriage.  We will be friends for life. Donna respects my marriage and doesn’t tell me what I should say to my husband. We usually spend time together, just us. Our favorite pastime is shopping. Sometimes Donna and her husband will come over for a couple’s night.  We love cookouts.”

Best friend eloped with husband

Janice, 33 years old, has been married 10 years. She said, “I don’t trust any woman around my man.  I remember before marrying John, I was engaged to someone else who ran off with my then best friend.  I don’t care how nice or trustworthy a woman friend may be, I don’t bring them around my husband.  When I met my husband, I cut all ties with my girlfriends. I know that is selfish but I am protecting my marriage. I am usually involved with my family and coworkers.  I have people I like to hang out with but no best friends.”

Best friend through thick and thin

Shelia, 27 years old, has been married for five years.  She said, “ I love my best friend, Connie.  When I had my daughter, she was there just like a blood sister helping me until I was on my feet again. My husband was out of town with work most of the time.  He did the best he could to stay in touch.  We have named Connie as the parent for our daughter if something happens to me or my husband. I don’t have family. I share my husband’s family but it’s nothing like having someone on your side.”

Keep women friends at a distance

Angela, 22 years old, said “my best friend is my husband but next to him is my sister.  I love her and many people think we are twins but we are not.  My sister will gossip to other family members so I don’t confide in her completely but we do a lot of things together. I keep my other women relationships out of my marriage and with boundaries.  It is best to know your friend’s weaknesses. Everyone knows my bestie is my husband so things are kept in perspective.”

Best friend donated a kidney

Stephanie, 55y years old, said “my best friend is my neighbor Phyllis.  Phyllis donated a kidney to me when no one was a match. That was over 10 years ago.  She gave me a second chance at life without dialysis.  How can you not want to be friends with a person like that? Phyllis has strong faith in God and I too have come to share that faith.  Before her act of kindness, I would have never thought to do what she did for someone. In addition, Phyllis is a cancer survivor. She said she knows how it feels to face death when you are not ready.  My husband is so happy that we know Phyllis. Phyllis is also a widower. So we look out for her.  My husband is always trying to fix her up with a man but she is so picky.  I am glad I met her and so is my husband. We will be friends for life.

Female friendships are great mostly. But sometimes when they intertwine with your marriage, they can cause certain problems. But there are ways to prevent that from happening. For that you have to ensure that your friendship in the proper perspective is in order not to interfere with your marriage. You can do that by asking yourself a few questions:

  1. Do you value your girlfriend’s opinion over your husband?
  2. Do you consult with your girlfriend before consulting with your husband?
  3. Do you change plans to go out to attend activities with your girlfriend?
  4. If you are not in a physically or mentally abusive marriage, does your girlfriend encourage you to leave your husband?
  5. Do you give your girlfriend resources from your marriage without consulting your husband?

If you answered yes to any of the questions above, you need to rethink priorities and remember your marriage comes first so does your husband.  It is good to have friends but they can take over a relationship if the friendship is not kept in the proper perspective.

The post How Do Female Friendships Affect Marriage? appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.

Book Review: Radical Acceptance: The Secret to Happy, Lasting Love

At the heart of all advice about how to have better relationships, resolve conflict, improve connection, and enhance intimacy is the idea of simply learning to accept others for who they are. Acceptance is, after all, the highest form of love.

In her new book, Radical Acceptance: The Secret to Happy, Lasting Love, Andrea Miller, the founder and CEO of YourTango makes the compelling case that acceptance isn’t just good for our relationships — it’s also good for us.

Although Miller founded an organization whose mission is to help people love better and connect more meaningfully, her own personal story is a testament to the power of radical acceptance. Soon after falling instantly in love with her then boyfriend Sanjay, she found herself in argument after heated argument with him, feeling as though she simply couldn’t find a way to make the relationship work.

“We had chemistry galore and were committed to each other, yet we sustained a lot of frustration that never seemed to get resolved,” writes Miller.

Then, in desperation, she consults a trusted friend who says to her, “Andrea, just love him.”

With those words, everything changed.

“Upon deciding to ‘just love him,’ I was finally really making a commitment to him and to our relationship,” writes Miller.

As a result, she not only decided to found YourTango, but also an idea she calls “radical acceptance.”

Radical acceptance goes beyond simply loving without judgement. Rather, it is about replacing that judgement with compassion and empathy.

“To radically accept someone means: I love you right here, right now. I have your back, no matter what. I know your flaws, failures and shortcomings and I still love you. I will not resent or resist them. Instead, I will extend tenderness to them,” writes Miller.

The shift, however, doesn’t occur in the other person – it occurs within the self. Miller quotes David Bell:

“The opponent is not the person with whom you are in a relationship. The opponent is your reaction to this person and what arises in the relationship.”

Radical acceptance requires radical giving, Miller says, and a shift from expecting someone else to make you happy to thinking more about what you have to offer to your partner.

And for those who may be unknowingly sabotaging their own efforts, Miller asks, “When it comes to love, what are you afraid of? When you reflect on life, what kind of people have you been attracting? What’s at your core? What is your approach to dating?”

Miller says that many people also refuse to pay the price of admission for happy lasting love. There is no love that passes an endless test of deal-breakers, cures all of the ailments in life, or doesn’t require some amount of settling.

And while it’s okay to feel uncertain, we can’t commit partially to someone. Because, radical acceptance, and the commitment it brings, is a binary concept. We must begin by making the choice to either just love someone, or just dump them.

“There is enormous power in true commitment and you are making a decision to commit. Being committed fundamentally changes your energy; it changes your consciousness and aligns how you think and behave accordingly,” writes Miller.

With radical acceptance, we also must learn to step outside our own emotional bubble and recognize the neurological cascade we bring upon ourselves every time we experience stress. Whether we bring it upon ourselves through negative thoughts about our partner, or we feel it thrust onto us, stress is our responsibility, and it cannot be used as an excuse for poor behavior.

When we can remove our masks, allow ourselves to be fully seen, and acknowledge that not everyone sees the world as we do, we can learn to communicate radically and as we are biologically intended to. Miller quotes Stephen Porges, who developed the polyvagal theory:

“The goal of mammals – and as good spouses – is to interact in a way that regulates each other’s physiology.”

And while loving even the seemingly unlovable parts of our partners may seem impossible, Miller cites the work of Helen Fisher who showed that the most loving, long-term couples held “positive illusions” of their partners which allowed them to see them in their best light, identify, and empathize with them, even when tensions arise.

Where ethics might call upon the golden rule – treat others as you want to be treated – love requires the platinum rule – love others as they want to be loved. By thinking about what most communicates love to our partners, and finding our way to let go of the hurt and resistance that hinder us, we become more empowered in the process. While we say, “I love you,” the platinum rule calls upon us to prove it.

Full of touching stories, illuminating research, and sage wisdom, Miller’s book is an original take on love – that fully loving someone is not just good for them, it is good for us.

Radical Acceptance: The Secret to Happy, Lasting Love
Andrea Miller
Atria Books (2017)
Hardcover
289 Pages